


do not try and win arguments with YOUR siblings this way

by ang3lba3



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dialogue-Only, F/F, Family, Incest Jokes, M/M, Prompt Fill, Strilondes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 08:23:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10918023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ang3lba3/pseuds/ang3lba3
Summary: Rose and Dave are both trying to get ready for a date with their significant other in the Strilonde household on Earth C. Both of them want the bathroom. One of them is already in it.FIGHT.The prompt was locked door, and 750 words of dialogue only.





	do not try and win arguments with YOUR siblings this way

**Author's Note:**

> i know they dont all actually live together, because this kinda shit would happen

“rose? rose, open up the fucking door, come on, you’ve been in there three hours!”

“Dirk was in here an hour, I’ve been in here fifteen minutes. You have a phone, you don’t need a mirror.”

“yeah well you don’t need a shower to look good for Kanaya, you need surgery.”

“Is that your way of deflecting your current fears over Karkat onto me, because I am more than happy to give them back to you along with your self esteem projections.”

“for the last time, i like my nose!”

“And so does Karkat. So leave me be.”

“yo kids wats the haps y’all doin anyfin fun?”

“I’m trying to prepare for my date with Kanaya, and Dave is trying to find a reason to stare in the mirror and have an existential breakdown instead of using selfie filters on his phone to feel better.”

“you haven’t even turned the shower on!”

“meow, meow, children-”

“roxy ffs please stop using all the puns you can possibly fit into one sentence introducing you to the furry trolls was a mistake”

“Our mother can use any number of puns she wants.”

“i don’t hear water running”

“…”

“YOU JUST TURNED ON THE SINK, YOU’RE NOT EVEN IN THE SHOWER YET ARE YOU? THAT’S IT I’M COMING I- ROXY LET GO OF ME I NEED TO MURDER ROSE!”

“I think you need to chill your fine lil ass down is what you need.”

“THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO DISTRACT ME WITH PSEUDO INCESTUAL DISGUST.”

“I’m naked, so coming in here would be even more incestuous.”

“dirk! dirk! no, you don’t get to just see me struggling with your son like this and run away! DIRK! SO HELP ME GOD.”

“WHY ARE YOU NAKED IF YOU’RE NOT SHOWERING!”

“DIRK. GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE. I WILL PISS ON YOUR RECORD COLLECTION AND SELL IT ON FETISHBAY.”

“My, it’s getting rather heated out there.”

“Fuck, fine, Dave, simmer the fuck down, Roxy, stop calling Dave my son when it’s convenient for him to not have half of your DNA. Rose, get the fuck out of the bathroom.”

“I hear significantly less screaming, is Dirk really that effective?”

“AHHHHHHH MY EYES-”

“ROSE NO-”

“Jesus fucking Christ put on a towel first. I am shoving you back in there until you get a towel on.”

“Oh, well, if you’re going to qualify it like that, it could take me quite a while. Someone used the last of the towels to dry his hair, instead of using one towel for both as our Lord and Savior Karkat would have wanted.”

“You have thirty seconds to be presentable, or I’ll go in there and dress you myself. I have very little social conditioning to tell me I should be scarred by your naked body, and zero chance of getting an awkward boner. Roxy, this is a great time for a daddy joke, you can make it since Dave is still busying muttering ‘my eyes’ over and over.”

“hell yeah papa strider take charge of your household, show your lil girl who’s-”

“i changed dirk’s mind for him”

“it’s about to get Brazzers up in here-”

“i cHANGED HIS MIND, ROXY”

“Alright, I’m out. Dave, you can go in now.”

“i can never go anywhere again. i’m going to claw my own eyes out.”

“I’d ask Roxy to assist me in making the Oedipus joke, but we’ve seen what happens when she does that.”

“MILF’s gotta stick together, sister, don’t throw me under the bus like that. :(”

“Stop speaking facial expressions you aren’t exhibiting aloud and maybe I wouldn’t.”

“:D”

“This is a trainwreck, I’m out of here.”

“YOU GET BACK HERE YOU BASTARD. IF YOU HADN’T TAKEN AN HOUR LONG SHOWER THIS WOULDN’T BE HAPPENING.”

“He’s right, you did start this.”

“No one made you come out with tits blazing, Lalonde, stop trying to pin the blame on me.”

“y’all are weak. he takes the shower the same time every night, how did you not plan for this?”

“I did. Dave didn’t, and now he’s traumatized, so this should really be a lesson in foresight.”

“fuck all y’all”

“HELLO? IS ANYONE HOME? I’M SUPPOSED TO BE MEETING DAVE?”

“oh fuck”

“Karkat, Dont Yell! Knock!”

“my smol dumb son’s back here!”

“Oh, Rose, You Look Beautiful.”

“I had plenty of time to prepare.”

“DAVE ARE YOU CRYING?”

“no this is what a cool guys eyes do when he’s really really angry but cant punch his sister because her gf would punch him and it might count as a just death”

 

**Author's Note:**

> so this is actually the first thing i've finished since like, whenever i last posted a fic on here (i just checked so like, fuckin MARCH BRO). hmu @ [my tumblr](http://ang3lba3.tumblr.com)


End file.
